Scams

The other day I got a fax at work. Some poor person who had lost a family member in the 9/11 attacks was having a banking problem of sorts, and I would get half of the money if I helped this person out by holding the money in my personal banking account. I wasn't born yesterday, so I threw the fax away. However, the scam gave me a wonderful idea for my own Internet scam.

My Idea for an Internet Scam:

Law enforcement has recently discovered a hi-tech gang of people who specialize in taking nude photos of citizens. They have had their hidden cameras in public restrooms, hotels, and locker rooms. Police have recently uncovered thousands of these photos, and a photograph has been identified as you. This photo has been very popular, and the perpetrators have made over $50,000 at your expense. Fortunately, these criminals are behind bars, and investigators have entitled the money to you. Please contact Deputy Smith at the following email address to claim your $50,000.

I think it would be incredibly funny at how many people will
a) Freak out that there is a lewd photo of them on the Internet
b) Be flattered that the photo of them was popular
c) Request to see the photo
or
d) have some other reaction

Bishop's Storehouse

We had a ward activity at the bishop's storehouse, and I was completely unaware of how much food the LDS Church stores. It was comforting to know that if anything ever happened to me or to my community, we could survive.

I'm also filing my taxes and trying to navigate the IRS website. A sucky ending to a wonderful day.

Mice

So I've officially had mice in my car twice. (No rhyme intended). The first time I parked by the haystack, and a pregnant mouse moved in and had babies. They were field mice, you know, the kind that have tiger tails and fuzzy ears, and they're really tiny. It was summer, and one hot day they huddled in a mass and died in the hot car. The only reason I did not clean them out earlier was because I thought the squeaking had to be my breaks or my steering wheel because the car would squeak every time I put on my breaks or turned.

This time, another mouse must have smelled that my car had previously been a great home for mice. The sun was glaring in my eyes, and I opened up my glove box only to discover a nest. The mouse had shredded the napkins that I keep in the car to check my oil. I never found the rodent, but my car is now extremely disinfected. That mouse was really freaking me out because for a day at work, I didn't know where it was, and I could imagine it crawling into my shoe. My foot would then fall asleep and play a mind game on me that there was a mouse shivering in my boot to keep warm.

Janelle's Birthday

My sister's birthday was today, and her daughter just got out of the hospital. The little tyke had pneumonia. She still looks peeked, but she had the energy to run around the house and play. Her mother told her not to do something, and, in a rage, little Kassie lumbered over to her mother, swinging her arm at her threateningly. It was so cute, but Kassie still had to go to the "naughty room." This is the laundry room, and it's a type of time-out.

It was a nice ending to my day, which was spend in the airport trying to send a package. Apparently, I had the old forms that were outdated by two days, and the former wording did not contain the single changed word. I spent an hour only to finally send the package FedEx. The airlines are mindless bureaucrats with rule books instead of brains. They need to have every word printed on their specified form in order to make sure I'm not going to do anything dangerous. Someone could just walk in with white dust billowing from their package, and the airlines would take it if it had the right form attached. Don't tell me I didn't warn you. Terrorists are smart enough to print forms with the right wording.

Isaiah

This morning, I came across Isaiah 28:19-20:

"From the time that it goeth forth it shall take you: for morning by morning shall it pass over, by day and by night: and it shall be a vexation only to understand the report.

For the bed is shorter than that a man can stretch himself on it: and the covering narrower than that he can wrap himself in it."

This reminded me of the slave ships in early American history. These ships were constructed of coffin-type constructions stacked on top of each other. For taller people, these "coffins" would have been quite uncomfortable.

It has been said that one could smell a slave ship seven miles away; only about forty percent of the passengers survived. People combed the coasts of Africa to kidnap as many as they could, morning by morning, night by night.

It was a vexation to me to understand the report of all this as I took an American Literary History class at BYU.

I'm no scriptorian, but this is what this scripture has always reminded me of.

Friday the 13th Came Early this Week

The day was busy when we started, but then everything went wrong. After we sent my brother-in-law to Elko, Nevada, to pick up a broken-down armored car, I get a phone call.

"We have a BIG problem," the driver droned into the phone dramatically.

"What is it?" I snapped, annoyed at the theatrics.

"We're in a parking lot and the armored truck is broken down, and there's oil leaking out of the bottom of it."

I ran to the back of the office to tell my mom, who was already having a terrible day. She rushed into the front office in lightening speed, yelling all the way, and somehow managed to dump all of the contents of her desk onto the floor before she found the keys to our other armored truck that doesn't work very well.

I inspected the alleyway behind our facility to make sure there were no signs of leaking before. I found a generous oil spot that had gone completely unnoticed before our crew started to drive the truck all over town.

So, there you have it, two different crews in two different states ran their vehicles out of engine oil on the same day. This was a reminder that I desperately need to get my oil changed this weekend or I will be the third person this week to run my vehicle out of oil, and my head will be on the chopping block.

Family History

There was another enrichment at the Family History Center tonight, and I found out absolutely nothing about my family. I ended up finding myself lost in an English book with coats of arms for different families. The different designs on them were beautiful, and I couldn't help but to be a little jealous that my family does not have a coat of arms. I also found out about early American catholicism and a bunch of cool Sisters and Fathers who kept the Catholic church going. But again, much due to my own laziness and absentmindedness, I found out absolutely nothing about my family.

Big Love

One of my facebook friends invited me to join a group to boycott the series Big Love. HBO's series is showing an LDS temple ceremony, apparently. Guess what? I don't care!

I have watched Big Love once or twice, and it's okay. The writing isn't great, but the entertainment value is pretty high, which is probably the reason that people still watch it. Sometimes I watch stuff that makes fun of my religion and love it. Case in point: South Park is totally awesome, and the Mormon episodes are really funny. Big Love, on the other hand, is like the train-wreck you can't stop watching, like Tyra Banks or Brittany Spears. But not as good as them because I actually did stop watching the show due to boredom. (Sometimes I flip through the channels and stop dead in my tracks, watching Tyra with one eyebrow raised.) Perhaps I will watch this Sunday's episode just because it's controversial. I'm curious like that.

What I care about much more than this controversy is the reason why I found a chewed up fingernail stuck in the keyboard as I was writing this blog. Hint, the fingernail was NOT mine, and it was big enough to have been a toenail. So gross!

New Job

I decided that editing wasn't really my thing. I am choosing to go into a profession that has more of a need for me. I am also choosing a profession that pays more money: swine odor reduction research.

Though I am not as passionate about pigs as I am about the English language, I will find joy in my job, as my industry will soon become a multi-billion dollar enterprise. They will hire me right away because of my poo-shoveling abilities, and my long job search will be over.

I would like to thank those who inspired me to find my true passion. I would also like to thank all of the taxpayers for providing me with a job. These little piggies will help fill my piggie bank.

Enrichment

For enrichment last month, we decided to make wooden toys for orphans. That day, I felt like a superhero saving these poor children from a life of toylessness. Weilding power tools, all of us women sought to toughen up the Relief Society, one belt saw at a time. Our instructor, being used to instructing fourteen-year-old boys, trusted us a lot more than the usual crowed. It was an evening filled with good times and the beautiful sight of wood shavings cascading into the air.

Urine

Today wasn't the best day at work. All I can say is that it involved a shipment of urine samples and two hours of my life that I will never get back. Don't worry. Nothing gross happened.

I didn't have the worst day, however. My mom spent quite some time filing taxes with the help of an accountant, and my sister was completely swamped at work while her daughter called a million times to report how many times her little sister had thrown up by the hour. (The little one was very sick today).

So I'm glad to report that I had the best day of all, except for, of course, the Obamas, who have a lavish party every night.

Debt Free!

I'm taking a moment to gloat: on Saturday, I wrote the last check to pay off all of my student debt, and all of my debt, for that matter. Now I am completely broke, but I am no longer in the negative numbers. Six months out of college, and I still have the same job I did before I graduated, but now it doesn't seem so bad.

For the rest of my Saturday, I decided to take a long, relaxing bath to celebrate. I put on a facial mask, got the water just the right temperature, and brought the phone in the bathroom so I wouldn't have to leave for anything trivial. As soon as I dipped myself in the water, the phone rang.

"We have a hot shot delivery to the airport," my mom said. "Are you dressed?"

"I was five minutes ago," I grumbled.

My long, relaxing bath lasted three minutes.