Vacation

So, I was able to predict my vacation to a T. We were even crowded in a McDonald's at one time, but it had no Playplace. Not to worry, my nieces and nephews were able to entertain themselves by screaming and eating Chicken McNuggets off the floor.

Now I'm back to work and the real vacation began. As I was answering phone calls with all the lines buzzing at once and trying to remember which person was waiting on which phone line, I breathed a sigh of relief. What a relaxing day. I'm so glad I'm not a mother.

But if I were a mother, I would definitely be an advocate for the child leash. They come in all sorts of cute animal shapes and form a humane harness around the child. It can greatly reduce the child's chances of being abducted or running in the way of a homicidal maniac.

Of course I was adamantly opposed to child leashes when I was four, but over the years, I have been enlightened. My leash was a Minnie Mouse leash, and it protected unsuspecting victims from being harassed in the supermarket.

Of course, with the economy today, many parents will not be able to afford leashes. Might I suggest making an apparatus out of duct tape? Or perhaps hooking their children to an old dog leash, one of those where you can press a button to let out some extra nylon cord if your child has been especially good and he needs some running room. Shock collars are available to the especially rebellious children, and, for those parents who seem to breed like rabbits and have many children, the best option might be to purchase a deluxe dog sled and teach their children to mush. You can travel in style without breaking the bank or harming the environment. Wouldn't Al Gore be proud.